I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
