Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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