Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
