I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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