that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
