I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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