I will die if light touches me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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