I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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