thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
