I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
