when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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