I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
