sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
