If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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