We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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