I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
