Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
