You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
