i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
