My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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