Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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