my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
