there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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