i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
