This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
