mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
