Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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