Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
