And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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