My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
