Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
