...so i touched it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize