Define "chronic" masturbator.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i out mim tonsoeep
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