Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
