Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize