lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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