I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
