I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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