Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize