i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
