Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
