y did u give ur computer a hand job?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
