I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
