There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She bit a glass in half.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
