I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
