You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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