Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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