Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
