Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
