What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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