Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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