you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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