he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So much rum. So many feels.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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