She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
