We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Boobs are out for the taking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
