We won't sleep together?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
