i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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