I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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