I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
