I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
