he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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