True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dignity is for republicans.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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