2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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