oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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