if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize