Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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