Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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