I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
