can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
