All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
