If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
