shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
