Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
