I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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