the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
