I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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