Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
