im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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