Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As shirtless as possible
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
